Once you get married or have been together for a long time, you will start getting asked questions like “When are you going to have kids?”. Sometimes people feel they are not ready for such a big step right at that moment in their life. The funny thing is, when people go puppy shopping, they do research on the particular breed, decide on who is going to train the dog, find out the best food for the pet and research how much exercise a dog should get. By the time you get the dog, you know everything there is to know about how to care for them. This same concept applies when you are considering having a baby. If it doesn’t work out at that time, you put it off until you are financially, physically and mentally ready for a dog. There is no reason why we shouldn’t do the same for children.
You need to feel ready
If you are wondering if there really is a right time to have kids, then yes there is a right time. Having a baby totally changes your plans and life in so many ways. You will know deep down when you are ready to have a baby and feel that you are financially stable to support a child. Babysitting can be a great way to see whether you are prepared for the hard work and the changes that come with children. Having children also impacts you financially. You have to consider baby supplies, school fees and childcare fees. Some couples many also have to consider costs if they can not conceive naturally. IVF may be the only way to have a healthy baby for some. For example, if IVF gender selection is necessary to avoid genetic diseases or disorders.
Can you deal with change?
When you have children, you will grow up more yourself and become more mature, not because you are ready to, but because you are forced to. Having children is all about change. This means a shift in both of the parent’s lives and the people that you are. Can you deal with no more sleep-ins on weekends and broken sleep patterns? Are you happy to be spewed on and always change diapers? Are you willing to give up your weekend partying and social events with your friends?
You believe you have parental qualities
Would you describe not only yourself but your partner as supportive, nurturing, reasonable, trustworthy and patient? Having these qualities is a good sign that you both will make great parents.
Would you consider your relationship to be stable?
There are no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ about it. Having a baby is going to change your relationship. If you are thinking about bringing up having a child, then you need to ensure that you are happy within your relationship. Do you fight a lot? Do you have trouble communicating and resolving issues? This will only get worse as a baby comes along, as you both will be grumpy, sleep-deprived and stressed. Ensure you are both on the same page when considering a baby. It is going to be a roller coaster ride having children, but it has shown to make you a better person. You are more patient, understanding and learn to be completely selfless. When you have a baby, it becomes no longer about you anymore. It becomes about the family unit. Pregnancy and becoming pregnant can also be hard on a relationship. For example, IVF gender selection costs can cause financial stress.
Having children is an individual choice, and you shouldn’t have children because people are pressuring you to or because you feel you need to “hurry up”. You need to make the decision as a couple when you both feel good and ready. Your friends and family won’t be raising the baby, so it doesn’t matter if they are ready or not. It matters when it is the right time for you as a couple to start trying for a baby.